Life, When You're Open Hearted.
A love letter to the open-hearted souls of the world and a personal invitation to choose connection over fear.
When you’re open hearted, life is going to feel different.
Sensitivity often implies feeling things deeply; open-heartedness goes a step further. Its as if your heart becomes a portal against which life is always beating, and all you can do is feel it and try to turn that beating into something beautiful.
An open hearted person is a unique and rare individual who possesses a kind of natural courage which allows them to go beyond the mere concept or performance of compassion and sensitivity – into the deepest realms of embodiment.
Today, I want to explore that experience and try to put it into words because as an open-hearted person living in this world, I know how painful it can be to live from an open heart and how soothing words can be to the brave soul who makes that choice.
I hope you will walk with me on this journey of trying to understand – and find some healing for your heart through these words.
Open Hearts Are Present to Life, Itself.
True open heartedness is both feeling and being—the continual intention you make to put messy love into practice, not stopping even when it becomes uncomfortable or when your offering remains unreciprocated.
Open hearts don’t talk about love merely as a metaphor, instead they live love as a sacred act; a moving prayer that emerges from their very core.
When we open our hearts, we become, on a continuous basis, for better or for worse, the very essence of being – existing in a body with a heart that is open and cares.
In practice this means we seek opportunities for connection and prioritize interconnectedness over self-sufficiency. An open heart craves deep knowing over superficial acquaintance, and clear seeing beyond facade and illusion.
Open-heartedness does not make for a simple life. It’s much easier to stay in a self-protective shell keeping all of your care to yourself and those you selectively let in. Its also much easier to live in ignorance and illusion – choosing comfortable lies over uncomfortable truths.
If you never decided to open your heart, I would not stop loving you, nor would I give up on calling you into open-heartedness. Until the day your heart stopped beating, I’d always be wishing for you to open up and meet the rest of us who live from this place.
Because while open-hearted living does not often make for a life of ease and simplicity, it does make for a life of vivid and rich connection with yourself, with others, and with everything around you.
So you see, making the choice to live from an open heart is not just about love and kindness. It’s about choosing a life of presence to life itself.
And I believe that is a life truly worth living.
Open-Hearted Embodiment: A Practice.
Embodied open-heartedness implies compassion and energy in motion—and it’s a brave choice, because once we move past conceptual love into embodied love and open-heartedness, we also become deeply vulnerable:
Vulnerable to rejection – the experience of love given but not received.
Vulnerable to misunderstanding – the experience of questioning the truth.
Vulnerable to heartbreak – the experience of love lost or no longer with us.
Vulnerable to death – the experience of surrendering to something greater.
Embodied open-heartedness is an invitation into deep neediness – something many of us would very much like to avoid. When our hearts are closed, we buy into the idea that we need nothing. When are hearts are open, we have a deep need for everything.
And this is an excruciating raw and exquisitely vivid way to live.
It’s not enough for the open heart to simply make oneself comfortable.
Open hearts often have a need for things that are inherently uncomfortable:
empathy, which requires deep emotional investment and vulnerability.
compassion, which involves feels others’ pain, which can be taxing.
generosity, which demands selflessness and the risk of not having enough.
relationship, which opens up the possibility of heartbreak and heartache.
honesty, which can lead to uncomfortable truths and conflict you’d rather avoid.
transparency, which requires openness that may expose weaknesses or mistakes.
tolerance, which challenges personal bias and requires acceptance of difference.
acceptance, which involves letting go of control and embracing uncertainty.
patience, which demands enduring discomfort and delay and trust in the process.
friendship, which requires trust in others and the fear of betrayal or loss.
justice, which involves confronting unfairness and taking a contentious stand.
emotional availability, which means being open to the intensity of emotions.
openness to growth, which pushes you out of comfort into the unknowns.
continuous learning, which requires humility and admitting you don’t always know.
I hope this helps you see as an open-hearted person just how courageous you are and keep making the choice to be yourself and take care of what you need.
Because the truth is, open hearted people simply cannot, for their own functional survival and practical wellbeing, settle for any less than these things in their life.
Open hearts must keep seeking and surrendering themselves to the raw being-ness of pure love and vulnerability, or else invite in dis-ease of mind, body and spirit.
Open hearts must stay open and make themselves available for more, even when it feels as if the heart has had enough. It can be a tiresome and thankless existence to maintain, but its also one of exceptional meaning and purpose.
What Is Love? One Perspective.
The other day, I came across a sign referencing a well-known Bible verse: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It is often cited as a description of the true nature of love, and I believe it captures quite beautifully the inherent difficulty of embodied open-heartedness:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserveres.
Whether or not you consider yourself religious or believe in this particular framing of love, this passage highlights the intensity of the lived experience of open hearted people. It speaks of love as being absolute in its expression. Love is this, it is not that. Love always does this, not just sometimes. Love is not hurtful. Not even a little bit. It does not. Love doesn’t even keep a record – which seems to me the hardest of all.
For without a record, how will we keep ourselves from pain?
The truth is? We don’t. We learn to accept pain as a normal part of existence.
The Pain of an Open Heart
Being open hearted can be quite painful because it is a practice in living through uncertainty and the unknown with patience and trust. This is not something that comes naturally to humans – who often cling to a false sense of certainty.
An open heart accept delays or challenges without frustration rather than acclimating to instant gratification and feeling entitled to an easy resolution.
The pain of an open heart is felt in the practice of giving others the time and space they need to grow, make mistakes, and navigate their own journeys. Not expecting them to meet our every need or rise to our expectations.
Open hearted humans are well-versed in the art of meeting others where they are at and forgiving them for their shortcomings – while doing the more painful work of forgiving oneself for one’s own shortcomings.
The embodied practice of love means holding on to hope, without any guarantees, that somewhere in the darkness, the pain, and the suffering of these times, that there is always a light to be found.
Being open-hearted is intense and overwhelming. It means being selfless to a degree that is not common or even expected. It means sharing your genuine feelings, thoughts and experiences without a protective barrier. When you’re open, there’s always the possibility that others might not respond as you hope.
Open-hearted folks often possess a heightened ability to emphasize with others, feeling their joys and sorrows as if they were own – which can be exhausting.
Living with a heart wide open can also entail some loneliness and isolation because uncommon generosity sets you apart in societies that prioritize taking over giving, and individual self-preservation and personal success over selflessness. You may often feel out of place or deeply misunderstood as an open heart.
Staying true to yourself and your values when living from this place, means continuous self-examination and introspection, which can be mentally taxing.
Self-Sacrifice and Surrender
Walking right alongside the work of self-examination is an even deeper form of open-heartedness – the ability to surrender one’s self-concept and cease clinging to rigid self-identity in the interest of collective well-being.
Open-heartedness involves a kind of metaphorical death–of the ego; of desires, of selfish needs, expectations, rewards, hopes, and even dreams to something one cannot sense or verify in anyway – but must take fully on faith.
You are asked to surrender what you’re craving and what your soul deeply needs to survive, while trusting that giving of yourself without any expectation of return, and persisting through hardship – are both rewards in and of themselves.
One of the hardest parts about being open-hearted, at least for me, has been maintaining an open heart even when encountering ones that are closed to me.
This is one of the most intense forms of self-sacrifice because connection is what the open heart craves most – but nothing can be expected when it comes to love.
Life, when you’re open hearted means learning how to navigate a world where close-heartedness is the norm and where connection is often nothing more than a commodity to be bought and sold – instead of a fundamental human need.
Transactional Relationships
Despite the fact that we all need social relationships and connection with other humans to survive, many of us are going about our relationships in transactional and hierarchical ways. Such ways of relating force humans to go against their nature and look to each other with an eye for what you can do for me, or where I stand relative to you – rather than for the inherent worth and dignity present in every human we meet.
This looks like networking and volunteering in the community only for personal gain. Friendships contingent on social status or the favors and fun you offer rather than mutual care. It looks like managers who treat employees as resources rather than humans with needs. Family dynamics based on obligations and conditional approval and rewards rather than support, and intimate relationships rooted in situationship.
This is especially true for women, who have often been socialized to compete. In my experience, there’s a special kind of cruelty that some women seem to reserve only for their sisters and closest friends. If you know, you know.
It can be truly heartbreaking for the open hearted person who sees clearly beyond these transactional facades to the possibility of relationships based in authenticity, reciprocity, and the recognition of the unique light hidden within each and every human.
When the essential nutrient of true belonging is lacking, there’s no amount of togetherness that can satisfy our deep spiritual hunger. If these are the kinds of relationships open hearts keep, we may feel depleted and fail to thrive.
It’s important for open hearts to learn to navigate the fear of rejection we may feel so that we can connect with each other instead of staying stuck in relationships that don’t satisfy our needs.
Facing Fear and Rejection
A truly open heart will fall in love with almost every person they meet. And over and over again, an open heart will be rejected. Keeping your heart open to love and connection in the face of rejection can be terrifying.
Unrequited love will be a normal part of your existence. And even though it hurts like a mother every time (especially for those of us with mother wounds), you can learn to accept it as a normal experience in an abnormal, brokenhearted world.
The thing that hurts most isn’t taking a chance and being rejected; what hurts the most is never taking a chance – leading to loneliness, overwork, lack of creativity, and cynicism.
While I believe that deep down, most humans are truly curious about each other and crave the connection we have to offer as open-hearted people–most simply cannot meet us there. Why? Because they haven’t met themselves in that way. We can’t expect acceptance from a heart that is rejecting itself.
It says nothing about you that others have built barracks around their heart. It says nothing about you that our societies are so steeped in a war against love and genuine connection that even people who crave surrender simply won’t give into it.
Remember for your own sake, that you are never truly responsible for another person’s readiness or ability to connect. So, please don’t blame yourself for any lack of reciprocity or genuine connection in your life.
Stay open anyways. You are only responsible for the love you offer. And that offering might be the exact seed the closed-hearts need—whether they show it or not.
Navigating fear and rejection as an open heart is a practice in deep self-acceptance and self-love which builds inner resilience and protection against the self-rejection all around you.
Perhaps it is not you who is being rejected but rather, it is you who picks up on the feeling of rejection that others feel within themselves and the rejection inside the heart of the world. And because you care so much and love so freely, your own heart aches for the grief that you can sense within and without.
You might be able to feel rejection more deeply than others, but that doesn’t mean you need to take it in. Because taking it in isn’t just painful – it can be deadly.
Heart Disease as a Metaphor
Consider for a moment that ischemic heart disease kills 17 million of us every year globally. When you’re open-hearted, it’s not hard to believe this staggering fact.
Heart dis-ease is a condition that quite literally hardens the channels (arteries) and blocks the flow of life force (blood) to the heart, which is a muscle; that must be exercised to stay functioning.
Even long distance runners get heart disease because the heart needs more than physical exercise – it needs emotional and spiritual exercise as well.
When you love as deeply and have had as many deep and heartfelt conversations as I have with humans suffering from chronic disease, you’ll understand that a disease that seems on the surface to be about the body and the unavoidable habits of a stressful modern life, is really a dis-ease of the soul and the habits of an abnormal life.
We blame this disease on cholesterol levels, saturated fat, lack of exercise, genetics, and “stress” but from my perspective, death from heart disease is better explained through a holistic lens – one which recognizes the true nutrients of life such as friendship, wonder, creativity, and connection the Earth.
No matter which way you look at it, it doesn’t serve us to ignore that emotional and spiritual well-being are deeply intertwined with physical health. The mind, body, and soul truly cannot be separated.
And if anyone can see it, it’s the lovers of the world.
While the cholesterol in our arteries is the stuff that does the hardening, its not what caused it. Our hearts harden and block off over a lifetime and eventually kill us because, deep down, we carry an immense amount of unprocessed anger and resentment, fear of loss, lack of forgiveness, and an inability or unwillingness to give and receive love – not just of our own heart, but of the heart of the world.
Wall after wall after wall. Built up over years. Building up every day. Killing 17 million of us a year. Blocked blood flow through the heart and disconnection from self claim more lives than being silly, excited, imaginative, creative, and curious ever did or will. This is the “stress” we talk about–but also don’t talk about–when we talk about heart disease.
Disconnect from Our Inner Children
Why is it this way? Why are we so disconnected and so deeply blocked off? Why are we living in world where millions of us die of heart attacks every year and the number seems to only be increasing? To my heart, this condition is deeply connected to the past and the parts of us that we’ve forgotten – our inner children.
We think it’s normal to be so detached and walled off that we can’t understand or reciprocate the unbridled joy, wonder, and creativity of a child–even our own children, even our own inner children.
Our “stress” isn’t about our job, our kids, our body, or the bills. These matters scratch only the surface of our stress. Such things weary our hearts because of the deep down disconnect we feel from a source that would seek to lighten our load.
There once was a part of you who fully owned and lived in a sense of joy, lightness, imagination, compassion for all beings, and sense of curiosity and wonder. You were born that way, and even before you were born your soul existed in that state.
This is the part of you that knows what truly matters in life.
Just imagine for a moment how you’d feel and how you might approach your big problems from the heart of a child. You might focus more on creative solutions – through play, creativity, curiosity, and imagination. You might feel more compassionate toward yourself –in the same way a sweet child naturally expresses concern and caring when they see someone crying or any being in pain.
You might realize that this job isn’t fulfilling anymore, that your children are wondering why we’re so upset, and that your financial concerns are tied to endless consumption and pursuit of more instead of contentedness with what you have.
Society tell us to “grow up” as soon as we’re old enough to understand the meaning, often equating that with becoming jaded or “realistic.” But the only this message conditions us to do is to put our inner child in a box inside the closet of our intellect–and forget that we put them there.
I write about this a lot because I think we have a deep misunderstanding of children. Many adults look at them as knowing less, but to my heart, children are the professors of life, wisdom, and love in its purest form. They are brilliant.
I truly believe that reconnecting with the inner child is an essential element of thriving while living from an open heart, and is the ultimate cure to what ails us.
If you’re confused by what I’m saying, be brave and ask yourself: When was the last time I slowed down, even for a moment, to pause the endless defining of who I am now and the pursuing of who I want to become, to remember who I once was?
When did I last recall the books I read as a child, how it felt to be free before I carried this endless list of responsibilities?
When did I last listen to the songs or watched the movies that guided me from adolescence into young adulthood? And when was the last time I visited with the friends, places, and memories, who knew these past versions of me?
More importantly: what might happen if I did?
Reconnecting with Yourself
If you feel yourself speechless in the face of such deep reflections, you have probably been disconnected for some time. And I want you to know, it’s okay.
It’s okay to feel the loss of that and to simply feel that deep-down core disconnect and grief for not remembering who you once were or recalling the stories of your own heart. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I once was a close-hearted person in spite of my lover’s soul. It wasn’t until I began to crawl my way back to a sense of connection to myself and my inner child by healing the hurt, that I found the courage to open up to others and realize just how closed off I had become. So, if you feel yourself a closed hearted person, I beg you: try to remember who you once were. Reconnect with yourself. It only hurts for a little while.
And if you’re an open-hearted person like me, please stay that way.
You somehow found a way to be one of the most courageous people alive. You didn’t let career, responsibility, trauma, social hierarchy, parenthood, other people’s opinions and attitudes or any other darkness in the world to stop you from shining your light; from being your pure, authentic, loving, silly, weird little self. You are a model citizen.
The way you glance outside your cubicle window at the clouds floating by and still see your dreams in it is a wonder. How you can still feel that terrifying flutter right in the center of your chest and open up anyways is nothing short of a miracle. Why you talk to flowers, hug tress, and greet animals as friends – I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone else. Together, on this pale blue dot amidst a vast inhospitable emptiness.
Reconnecting With Each Other
Once we endured the pain of reconnecting with ourselves, the most beautiful part of open-hearted living become possible: the part where we reconnect with each other.
If you’re hearing this, and its speaking directly to your open heart, I want us to live on this planet together, and be friends forever. You and I are kindred spirits.
All of us, together – the artists, the lovers, the creatives, the writers, the sensitives, the healers, and the helpers; those of us who choose to stand arm-in-arm in front of a mirror that shows a world with a broken heart and reflect back the exact opposite.
You my friends, are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in the face of that awful mirror. And I love you so, so much.
Please remember, dear heart, that even those who reject you or remain speechless in the face of your pure soul, are secretly, deep down, begging you to stay open in spite of their walls. They are lost in their forgetting of the past, while you, my little sunflower, are the only beacon of light in the darkness we all face.
Your open heart is a rainstorm watering a world that is burning alive, aching for nourishment, and wilting slowly, again and again. I know it feels impossible to hold on when it feels like the whole world carries on with such apathy at such an inhuman pace, but you are not the problem.
You are the solution.
And this pain you feel is itself a testament to your capacity to love. Ironically, that capacity might be the only thing keeping the rest of the world from burning out.
You are the hero this world needs, open heart, but only if you know how to care for yourself and balance your need for connection and love of others with self-connection and self-love.
Open-Heartedness Without Burnout
When you are open-hearted it important to ground yourself in self-love so that your desire to be there for others and love them unconditionally does not erode your own well-being.
It can be helpful to remember that caring for yourself is also a form of open-heartedness, for you are an inextricable part of the world you seek to nurture.
To cultivate self-love without falling into burnout, it's essential to establish healthy boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
Start by setting clear limits on how much you give to others, ensuring that you have ample time and energy for yourself. Engage in regular self-care practices that rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit—whether it's through meditation, exercise, reading, or simply taking quiet moments for reflection.
Listen to your needs and honor them, allowing yourself to say no when necessary without feeling guilty. Seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or professionals who can provide guidance and encouragement. Embrace the practice of nourishment, staying present in each moment and tending to yourself like a garden.
By grounding yourself in self-love and ensuring that your openness doesn't compromise your well-being, you create a solid foundation for building meaningful relationships making it possible to find and nurture the community and connections your open heart needs. It might be hard at first, but so is living from a place of self-depletion. As open hearts, we have to choose our hard.
A Story To Help You Choose Your Hard
Last week on Instagram, I shared a vulnerable story about how it feels when I share about myself openly, only to have everyone see but no one respond.
And guess what? I received responses. Messages poured in from people who had wanted to reach out all along but held back for fear that I wouldn't reply.
One follower confided that she hesitates to tap the heart button on Instagram stories because she doesn't want to seem "too intense."
This revelation touches the very heart of the issue I've been discussing.
The sad irony is that so many of us want to connect but never take the step to reach out. We're held back by the same fears—fear of rejection, fear of appearing vulnerable—and as a result, we neither give love nor receive it.
Choosing to stay open-hearted comes with its own set of challenges: heartbreak, vulnerability, and the constant willingness to face rejection. These are inherent parts of embracing an open heart.
But closing ourselves off leads to its own pains—loneliness, resentment, and a feeling of being cut off from joy. I would argue that this "hardness" is at the very core of a deadly condition. It suffocates the spirit and stifles genuine connection.
So, for me the choice is clear. There is only one path that leads to the genuine love and connection we all crave and that’s continuing to choose to keep your heart open.
Choose to Keep Your Heart Open
If you need someone to go first, this open-heart will lead the way. Consider this an invitation and a prayer; one I think we all need in a time where digital isolation, hustle culture, and societal fear can overshadow our shared humanity.
A Prayer for an Open Heart
Dear Spirit of Love and Truth,
I come before you with a heart willing to remain open, even when it hurts. I recognize that being open-hearted changes every aspect of life, pulling me beyond mere sensitivity into active, embodied love. Grant me the courage to keep loving when it’s uncomfortable or unreciprocated, and the resilience to endure heartbreak in a world that can feel transactional and closed off.Help me remember that true kindness is not just a concept but a practice—one requiring daily acts of patience, deep listening, forgiveness, and selflessness.
May I hold space for others’ flaws and wounds, extending grace even when they cannot or will not return it. Teach me to see beyond their barriers and into the light within them, and to understand that their walls say nothing about my worth, only about their own pain.
I ask for the strength to navigate this path with humility and vulnerability, surrendering my ego, needs, and expectations in service of genuine connection. Remind me that while unrequited love may pierce my spirit, it can also expand my capacity to care. Let me honor both the joy and sorrow that come with an open heart, trusting that my tears testify to my ability to love deeply.
Help me rekindle the wonder I knew as a child—my curiosity, playfulness, and awe at the world’s simple beauties—so that I do not lose myself to the demands of responsibility or the façade of “growing up.”
Give me the boldness to keep sharing my excitement and imagination, to speak kindly to my own inner child, and to protect that source of light within. As I care for others, let me also extend that same gentleness to myself, remembering that self-love is a vital part of caring for the whole world.
Above all, instill in me the faith to keep searching for kindred souls, those who also choose openness despite the fear of rejection or hurt. Remind me that we are bound by our shared humanity and that our willingness to be vulnerable may kindle hope for those who’ve long forgotten their own hearts.
May I never apologize for feeling “too much” or loving “too freely,” for I believe this capacity to love is what keeps the world from going cold. I accept the hardship of staying open, because I know only in openness will I find the profound, authentic connections my soul needs.
I will stay open; I will keep searching for those who do the same.
Amen (or “So it is,” “May it be so,” or any closing that resonates.
From my heart to yours, I leave you with one of favorites to remind you that there is a better world awaiting us, and our hearts know it is possible.
A song for the open-hearted. 💞
Love, Leah